Let’s just get this out of the way…

Instead of just throwing out bits and pieces along the way, I thought I should share my story…

Casting Crowns has a song titled "Slow Fade" that tells us, "It's a slow fade when you give yourself away, it's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray, thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away, people never crumble in a day..."  Sometimes we tell ourselves that what we're doing will not turn into something more. We convince ourselves that we can stop at anytime. It can be anything from lying, gambling, drinking, or cheating. But one day we wake up and realize that we're in deep...very deep. That is when the moment of hopelessness sets in, and you think that there is no way out. That is exactly where I found myself a few years ago.

I grew up in a Christian home, attended church faithfully, and even went to a Christian school. I had a strong foundation heading into adulthood. At twenty-one, I married my husband who had the same Christian upbringing. But, from the very beginning we failed miserably. We failed to keep God at the center of our marriage, let alone the center of our lives. Yes, we went to church and were even Sunday school leaders, but outside of that, we were casual Christians. Five years later with two kids, we had become roommates. Neither one of us paid attention to what was happening. We were both content raising kids together, but living independently outside of that. And then that is when it happened...the slow fade. Little did I know that my husband had a secret of his own, but I was about to have one as well.

Unfortunately, I allowed myself to get too close to a former coworker. While I told myself I would never let that happen, I soon found myself in farther than I ever expected. Our relationship lasted over two years. Finally, my husband knew something was wrong, but I was at the point where I felt our situation was hopeless. I figured once he found out what was going on, he would leave me. I was depressed, emotionless, and absent. My kids even suffered from it.  I came to the point when I was done with the lies and wanted out. So, one night, my secret came out. I waited for my husband to unleash his wrath on me, but all he did was walk away. A little while later, he came to me, and said something that completely floored me. He told me that he loved me and that he was going to fight for us. 

I wish I could say that I threw myself into his arms, but instead I rejected him. I became angry because my heart was so hardened. I resented the fact that it took something like this for him to want to fight for me. So, I continued down my path of destruction. However, my husband was determined to change. He went to our pastor and family for guidance. Very quickly, he recommitted his life to Christ. And, little did I know, that he was doing the “Love Dare” on me from the movie “Fireproof”. I saw the change in him, and yet I still resisted giving in. 

A few weeks later, I was sitting in church, and the pastor spoke on Romans 8:28. I also heard a man, whom I had known for a long time, tell the congregation that he was just diagnosed with terminal cancer. But, he had hope. It was amazing listening to him. And, for the first time in a long time, I could feel God’s presence. I finally had a glimpse over the wall that I had built of how life would be if I would just tear it town. But, I still resisted.

A few more weeks went by and my sister-in-law asked me to go away for a weekend with her, just the two of us. I felt like it was a set-up, but something inside me told me to go. And, as I left for the weekend, I knew I was not coming home the same. 

That Friday night and all day Saturday, we enjoyed just hanging out. Never once did she bring up what was going on at home. Late that Saturday night, she asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I agreed, but soon discovered the movie just so happened to be “Fireproof”.  As I watched the movie, I felt like I was watching my life play out. When it ended, we both sat quietly, not saying a word. Then my sister-in-law began to share about some struggles in her life, but still I sat there and said nothing. But, then I knew the time had come, and I turned to her and confessed my sin to her. I wanted to change! I got on my knees and surrendered myself fully to Christ. It was like I was breathing for the first time! I had been carrying such a huge burden of sin that I literally felt as though I had been suffocating. But, it was gone in an instant! I called my husband to tell him, and together we cried and asked each other for forgiveness. As for my other relationship, I ended it immediately and have never turned back since.

Our marriage truly was healed in an instant. People told us to give it time, but God had other plans. Almost three years later, we are still growing in love and respect for one another. It overwhelms me every time I think about it. God’s love and mercy and grace that He has bestowed upon us amazes me! 

So, maybe now you can see why I have such a heart for you! You are my sisters in Christ, and I want nothing more for you to experience God’s love to the fullest!!

The things which are impossible with men are possible with God!

-Luke 18:27